I'm shopping opinions and would appreciate yours. Too crude, funny, neither?
I want to get in shape with aerobic exercise. Stick with it by starting slowly and combining it with something I already like to do. So now I masturbate on my wife's Pilates machine. I'd better explain. I climb on and get a workout, NOT masturbate ONTO it, leaving a crusty layer of rudeness.
My wife hella hates me, not just because of Pilates stains, but because I have a girlfriend. Young & (I think this is so sexy) she's got a tramp stamp. Do we all know what that is? A lower back tattoo that could be abstract artwork, a landscape (but not of the grand canyon -- that would send the wrong message), or words. I even saw a picture on the internet of a girl with verses of the bible across her back and down her ass. When exactly did she think would be the right time for her lover to read the bible off her butt?
Anyway, my gf's tramp stamp says "Do not over inflate." Do I need to say she's an *inflatable* gf ... who likes to do Pilates?
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
sex with a redhead
Got your attention, ehh? :)
I probably wrote about this topic at length earlier (I may get off my lazy ass & check), but I was led to think about it today watching the movie "Maximum Risk" on TV. It stars Jean Claude Van Damme and Natasha Henstridge. She's 5'10" tall & plays a redhead. The plot begins with Van Damme taking the place of his murdered twin brother, Mikhail. When he meets Henstridge's character, she is very, umm, affectionate toward him. She has several uninterrupted lines of dialog while she presses up against him. Not being his brother, he tries not to respond.
- Oh, Mikhail, I missed you.
- You're so tense.
- I'll help loosen you up.
- What's this?
- You playing hard to get?
- Is this a game?
- Fine. Have it your way.
- But no handcuffs this time.
- You've gotten a lot harder since you've been away.
Now, having had sex with a 5'10" (actual) redhead before, and having been the dominant in a master/slave relationship with a woman I handcuffed on a regular basis, I gotta tell you, this scored "throbbing erection" on the "Excellent erotic dialog in an R-rated movie" scale.
[OK, I checked. There are a few posts on the "sex with a redhead" subject over at my "adult" site, rhetorich-rx.blogspot.com, where I haven't posted in a long time. Anyway, this 5'10" redhead I knew had very imaginative friends. They nicknamed her "Big Red."]
The picture of a (natural) redhead Natasha Henstridge naked, kneeling, handcuffed, made to do whatever I want ...
Excuse me. There's something I need to go do now.
I probably wrote about this topic at length earlier (I may get off my lazy ass & check), but I was led to think about it today watching the movie "Maximum Risk" on TV. It stars Jean Claude Van Damme and Natasha Henstridge. She's 5'10" tall & plays a redhead. The plot begins with Van Damme taking the place of his murdered twin brother, Mikhail. When he meets Henstridge's character, she is very, umm, affectionate toward him. She has several uninterrupted lines of dialog while she presses up against him. Not being his brother, he tries not to respond.
- Oh, Mikhail, I missed you.
- You're so tense.
- I'll help loosen you up.
- What's this?
- You playing hard to get?
- Is this a game?
- Fine. Have it your way.
- But no handcuffs this time.
- You've gotten a lot harder since you've been away.
Now, having had sex with a 5'10" (actual) redhead before, and having been the dominant in a master/slave relationship with a woman I handcuffed on a regular basis, I gotta tell you, this scored "throbbing erection" on the "Excellent erotic dialog in an R-rated movie" scale.
[OK, I checked. There are a few posts on the "sex with a redhead" subject over at my "adult" site, rhetorich-rx.blogspot.com, where I haven't posted in a long time. Anyway, this 5'10" redhead I knew had very imaginative friends. They nicknamed her "Big Red."]
The picture of a (natural) redhead Natasha Henstridge naked, kneeling, handcuffed, made to do whatever I want ...
Excuse me. There's something I need to go do now.
michele bachmann
Some things simply shouldn't exist in our universe. There's that idiot in Florida who burned the Koran. I can't find the words to describe him. Nor can I find a reason to do so. You already either hate him or are a bigot, too.
And then there's that idiot in Washington D.C. She comes from Minnesota, Michele Bachmann. Her ignorance and stupidity are worthy of ridicule.
Nasty jokes:
She's so stupid, she goes commando in the middle of Minnesota winters and gets chapped lips.
Her favorite dessert is tiramisu, because it's made with lady fingers. That's all she does in Congress. In committee meetings, on the floor of the Congress, or in her office, that's all she does. The lady fingers herself.
I do not suffer fools well. I find the notion of a Republican presidential ticket of Palin/Bachmann not only hysterically funny but entirely possible. Oh, puh-leeze let it happen.
And then there's that idiot in Washington D.C. She comes from Minnesota, Michele Bachmann. Her ignorance and stupidity are worthy of ridicule.
Nasty jokes:
She's so stupid, she goes commando in the middle of Minnesota winters and gets chapped lips.
Her favorite dessert is tiramisu, because it's made with lady fingers. That's all she does in Congress. In committee meetings, on the floor of the Congress, or in her office, that's all she does. The lady fingers herself.
I do not suffer fools well. I find the notion of a Republican presidential ticket of Palin/Bachmann not only hysterically funny but entirely possible. Oh, puh-leeze let it happen.
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